Safety First
I was recently teased by some neighbors for walking Maite (the Rottweiler) with my treat pouch front and center. There were some mildly macho statements that their dogs “better just listen” and “behave.” There are plenty of reasons for this thought process/understanding about dogs which I won’t get into here. Suffice it to say, they kind of think I’m weak because they see me “rewarding/bribing” Maite.
The thing is, the food isn’t actually much of a bribe. If Maite is fully activated (in a state of fight/flight/freeze), even if I put the food right in her mouth, it would just fall out.
The image shows Maite (the Rottweiler) out on a walk in her harness. She’s sitting and smiling up with her mouth open.
It is true that when we first started walking together, I did frequently use treats as a lure. I would put it right in front of her nose and try to lead her away from areas I thought might be problematic. This would NOT work if she had already seen the problematic thing/person in question. It was my job to be on the lookout and help her to avoid things that might trigger her. If we successfully managed to avoid the trigger, then I might give extra treats as a reward for her attention on me.
Treat giving also gives me information about what state Maite is in. If she doesn’t take it at all, she’s too agitated to keep going. If she takes it a little too fast, I know she’s getting overwhelmed.
Image shows a pile of bone shaped dog treats.
After 5 years of walking together, the treat situation is a little bit different. Now if I offer a treat and lead her off the sidewalk, or around a car, or ask her to sit suddenly, she KNOWS that there is something in the area that I am avoiding. I can see it in her behavior, she will perk up her ears, or sniff the air expectantly. If I’ve been quick enough (meaning the trigger is far enough away), she’ll accept the treat.
These days the treats are part of an agreement we have, part of a conversation. She does not “behave” for the treat. She expects me to keep her safe (going around “scary” things/people, getting between her and “scary” things, avoiding some areas altogether). If I can do that successfully, she will be in a relaxed enough state to take the treat from my hand gently.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because we saw a family in a chaotic moment on our walk today and it got me to thinking about the way adults often look at therapy for children. It seems like educators and parents want therapists to tell them what are the right tricks (treats) that will “make” children behave, and then once we find them ask, “when can we stop using them?”
The image shows a Dinosaur Reward Chart, with line drawings of stars ready to be filled in. There are 2 green dinos on the page which have blue stripes on a white background.
As it turns out, there is no secret treat (bribe/skill/strategy) that will move a child (or an adult) from an activated (fight/flight/freeze/fawn) state to a calm state. Only other regulated people can do that. Children need to feel safe before they can be calm. They are depending on adults to keep them safe and if not, to get them to safety as quickly as possible. Breathing techniques and affirmations and sticker charts (skills/strategies/bribes) will NOT work if children don’t feel safe.
The fact is, everyone has skills and strategies they use every day. Children and adults. It’s just that skills and strategies become habits and once they are a habit, we generally stop thinking about them consciously. They are not gone, they've just become part of who we are, how we behave. What are your favorite skills and/or strategies?
Images for some of the strategies in our house: first image shows a black child jumping (for grounding and self-regulation), the second shows an Asian woman stretching at a desk (for release and more self-regulation), the third image shows keys hanging from hooks (as in, put your things in a place that you can find them later and feel less frantic), and the fourth image shows a black person running (for grounding, space from screens, more self-regulation), from behind, on a road flanked by trees. The runner has long locs.
The banner image shows home-baked dog treats shaped like bones.
